Academic institutions are well known for their amazingly frivolous and ineffectual expenditure. Mine is, of course, no different. Here in Queensland, we are party to twin, equally brilliant wastes of money, the Turkey Patrol and the UQSoM Balloting process.

UQ has a resident population of Bush Turkeys. The Turkeys roam the grounds, scratching up their piles. To aid these wee bird, we have Turkey Patrollers. They're groundskeepers. The Uni kindly provides them with a ride-on lawnmower with a trailer. In the trailer is a shovel, a rake and a leaf-blower.

The Patrollers' job is to clean up the piles of bark and leaves that the turkeys scratch into mounds and piles across the campus. On the roads, footpaths and walkways, these mounds ebb and flow. A constant battle between the anarchistic Turkeys and the orderly Turkey Patrollers. Funny to watch; preposterous to pay for. Especially the leaf-blowers.

A few weeks ago, I posted about the impending Clinical Rotation selection process. This week, a nightmare has, for some, come to fruition. Gloomy fruition. People are wandering around PBL in a daze; to stressed to study. But why? Whyyyyyyyy?

About a month ago the SoM proposed an electronic method whereby my colleagues and I could harmoniously select our Clinical School preferences for next year. Distance wise, there's about 800km between the two furthest Clinical Schools (CS), so it's not a small division. Each CS had a chance to promote itself, and then for a while, nothing happened. We were supposed to log on one day and have it all be wonderfully peaceful and collaborative.

What actually happened was *quite* different. Instead, the SoM reverted to a paper format, and asked us for three preferences. After two chances to change our preferences and a butt-load of wrong information, we were told the final time to change by. For this last change, only changes into the Rural School would be accepted. Next, it was announced via email that all students should have their mobile phones handy for the next few hours, as it would be necessary to allocate some students to rural locations. And, with all the transparency of obsidian, a ballot occurred. The entire class was tense, nervous and frankly, either treading on egg-shells or trawling facebook and the UQMS forums for information. Woe betide he whose phone rings.

And with that, it all began. 370+ Med Students scratching around for information, feeling like turkeys.

At about 9.20pm, I was out at dinner with Batman and some others, and the word came from Lickety-Split (c'mon people, haven't you seen My Little Pony?), that she had been called by the SoM. It went like this...

SoM1: "Hi, this is student rep. from the SoM. I'm really sorry to inform you that your preferences have been filled and you've been balloted. You choices are; Tinytowns one, two and three."

LS: "What? I can't go rural... that's not fair. Ow."

SoM2: "Hi, this is staff administrator person, your choices are; Tinytowns one, two and three."

LS: "Can I find out where my friends are going, or who else is going somewhere?"

SoM2: "Absolutely not. We cannot provide that information."

LS: "Well, I have The Laser sitting right next to me, can you tell me where he's going?"

SoM2: "No. That would breach privacy. Have you made a choice?"

LS: "I have to decide now?"

SoM2: "You've got five minutes to decide before I call you back." *click*

About 90 seconds later, Lickety-Split's phone rings again.

SoM2: "Okay, so have you made a decision?"

LS: "I'll take tinytown two, I guess... but... what happens now?"

SoM2: "More information will be provided in the next two days. Goodbye." *click*

Ridiculous. I guess, if you're unfamiliar with this kind of situation, it's pretty hard see what all the drama is about. For most people, their first preference is likely to come through...

In the case of some students, there's a very real possibility of people with spouses, families and mortgages getting sent somewhere they didn't bargain for. And people with three+ years of a relationship, apparently counts for nothing. Ditto organising any major Med.School-related events. Goneburger.

Also, in Australia, if you've flown the nest, you need to earn to learn, unless you're on loads of scholarship money. Being put in the situation where you've gotta relocate or drive for an extra 3hrs a day can reduce someone's ability to go to work., and relocation provides substantially more challenges. The SoM geneously pays the rent, but you've still got to have the cash to drive, clothe and feed yourself. Sensible, right?

No one has any idea what's going on. Everyone is stressed about missing out on their choices and the process feeling well out of control. This is most unwelcome for us med-school-types who like to be in the driver's seat. Raw emotion runs riot!

Ironically, the people getting shafted are those who expressed the biggest desire to remain metropolitan. Lucky sausages like me, who put Coast, Rural, Rural didn't get a call to say, "Sorry, it looks like someone needs to be closer to the city than you... Are you okay with your second preference instead?" Far too diplomatic for the SoM's liking.

I was intending on finishing this post off by detailing my plans, complete with a celebratory smiley face, but I can't, really. There's two reasons for this; firstly, the announcement has been delayed until next Monday, and secondly, despite my first preference being reportedly under-subscribed, I still have this sinking feeling that I'll get the shaft to Woop Woop (and not in the method as for 4.). As my previous post will contest, I'm actually unopposed to going rural - finding a job being the primary challenge. It's more that the School would be saying one thing and doing another. Right now, I'm sitting as pretty as possible; I really feel for my colleagues who are getting swept into a sea-change by a king tide.

Until next time, then, when my plans may indeed be revealed! Meantime, I'm going back to watch those Turkeys.